Bamboo In The Wind

Sometimes you come across situation that tells one-sided story. You don't feel obligated to verify. You build more around the story. On your own. Same lens amounting to more evidence and yet amplifying one-sided view that doesn't tell the whole truth. A lot is left to be grasped. It triggers feeble understanding. An outcome like this is unwarranted,  undesirable and unfair to everyone. It is self-serving. And, it is damaging!

Nobody likes to let people down. We learn this when we are small. So we try to keep everyone happy. We think that makes us good. Glennon Doyle once said your job is to let down as many people as you need to, so you don't let yourself down. It doesn't mean you do whatever you want. It means some choices will upset people, and that's okay. Every big choice upsets someone. A partner wanted more. Your family wanted you to play it safe. A customer wanted it their way. Many of us stop there. Not because we were wrong. Because saying no felt hard. But know which "you" matters. Not the one who wants to feel good today. The one who knows what's right. People get over your no. You carry your wrong Yes!

Nobody sees most of your life. The promise you kept when no one checked. The anger you held back. The help you gave at home without being asked. So people guess. They look at the small things they can see and decide who you are. You're on time. You return what you borrowed. You reply when you said you would. Small things. But they say, "This person can be trusted." It works the other way too. A small lie about being late. A sharp word to the shopkeeper. A friend left waiting for days. None of it is big. Still, people wonder. If this is how they are in small things, how are they when it matters? We save our best for some big day. But big days come without warning. There's no time to change then. We just do what we always do. How you do small things is how you do everything!

We all need work. Food, a home, a place in the world. That part is true for everyone. But this job? This relationship? This city you live in? None of it was required. It feels like it was. It wasn't. You picked this. Maybe not every part. But you picked to be here. Short term, a lot feels out of your hands. The boss, the timing, the people around you. But long term, it was all a choice. Even staying is a choice. See it that way, and it feels lighter. You're not stuck. You're choosing!

We think forward is the only good way to go. So going back feels bad. It feels like losing. But that's not always true. Kurt Vonnegut once said a step back after a wrong turn is really a step in the right direction. Think about it. You took a wrong turn. You're walking the wrong way. If you keep walking, you just get more lost. So you stop. You turn around. You walk back a little. That looks like backward. It isn't. It's the smart move. It's the move that gets you back on the right road. We don't like to admit we went the wrong way. So we keep going, just to avoid turning around. That makes it worse, not better. Going back isn't retreating. It's how you find the right path forward again!

Some things need luck. Some need talent. Most things don't need either. Show up with action when it feels unwanted. Reply to the message nobody will thank you for. Say the honest thing when the easy lie was sitting right there. Encourage when no one ask you to. Anyone can do this. No skill required. No connections required. Just doing it, on the day you didn't need to. That's the whole advantage. It's just inconvenient. So most people walk past it looking for something rarer. The thing that actually separates people isn't what they have. It's what they were willing to do, on the ordinary day nobody was going to notice it.

You spend half your life building someone. A parent everyone leans on. The one at work who always has the answer. A person who's always fine. Then one day it stops feeling like enough. Nothing's wrong on the outside. Job's fine, home's fine. It still feels empty. The part of you that built all that is scared right now. It's been holding things together at home and at your desk for years, and it just found out it isn't the only one who has to. So it asks scared questions. Who am I if I'm not needed? Am I still worth something if I stop giving? Will people still stay if I stop being the one who delivers? That part doesn't need to go. It got you here. It just needs a smaller chair. Let something quieter take the front seat. The part that asks what's true, not what keeps everyone impressed. Nothing here is dying. Just the version of you that you don't need anymore.

"I don't know" stops the talk right there. Nothing good comes next. It sounds honest. It isn't. It really means, "just tell/ask me more." It asks someone else to do the work. Say this instead: "I'm not sure, but maybe—" That's not weak. That's infact brave. It keeps you in the talk. Proactively. We grew up scared to guess wrong. So we stopped guessing out loud when we don't know. Or We want to be just lazy to engage. So say what you can. Engage when you don't know. See where it goes. No one needs you right. They need you trying. Engaging!

Whatever pattern is repeating in your life has one common variable: you. The people change, the places change. The pattern stays exactly the same. You call it bad luck once, coincidence twice. By the third time, it stops being either. It's easier to hold the other person responsible than to hold yourself accountable.  But the situation room only ever responds to what you carry into it. This isn't about blame. Blame keeps you looking outward. There, you'll seldom find the answer you seek. It's about ownership. And ownership is quieter, harder to attain. Change the one constant, and the pattern runs out of reasons to repeat itself.  Because it was never the room. It was always you!